“In the middle of the night, I go walking in my sleep, Through the desert of truth,To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean, We all start in the streams, We're all carried along, By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night.”
We all end in the ocean, We all start in the streams, We're all carried along, By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night.”
-Billy Joel-River of Dreams
I love the song, River of Dreams, by Billy Joel. Catchy tune, catchy lyrics and yet I have to admit that it strikes a bad chord in me as well because I don’t sleep. I want a river of dreams to wash over me and drown me, at least for one 8-10 hour period.
At the end of this month, it will be three years since I have “slept through the night”-not by choice. I want to sleep. I spend a good percentage of my waking hours thinking about sleeping. I obsess. Sleep has become an out of reach dream.
I have three teenage children who have no problem sleeping. They seem to sleep all the time…taunting me with their numerous hours in a row of uninterrupted, carefree slumber. I am marrying a man that can fall asleep sitting up even. He can have night terrors; wake up screaming and yelling and instantly fall back to sleep- calm, peaceful, deep sleep. Sometimes, I stare at them, in the middle of the night and the envy is so thick that a knife could not begin to cut through it. Don’t get me wrong. I am happy that they can sleep. It is a gift to be treasured and they all need it. I need it. It isn’t happening for me.
I don’t know what I would do if I would sleep. I get so many things covered when I lay awake thinking. I have been using that time to think about all that is wrong and I should be using it to think about what’s right! I have time to dream while being awake and I haven’t been using that as an asset. If I could get my thoughts more focused on the positive during my quiet night, I truly could change my life faster. There is a reason I haven’t been sleeping, I just wasn’t seeing it.
