So, here goes...I am just going to write without stopping...I think this will be therapeutic since there have been quite a few emails to me stating that this all might be a mistake or too soon, so here goes.
Bill and I have been talking about happily ever after for quite some time-actually since the moment we realized that we might be more than just friends. Things clicked. More than clicked. I saw myself wanting to be surrounded by him and the feeling that I get when he looks at me, talks to me or listens to me. I feel like I am at home with him, no matter where we are. I love me with him.
I know in my mind, that love at first sight is not really in existence, or is it? The butterflies only last for a short time. Life overtakes the love and the love fades. That's what every one tells me. This is the one time that I strongly am going to go against the popular belief and hang on tight to what is my reality. Every night when I go to bed, I think to myself that I really can't see myself loving Bill more than I already do. Every morning when I wake up, I think to myself that I can't believe that I love him still more. This is something that I quietly note and secretly treasure. It is something that I don't want to explain to anyone as if I say it "outloud", the bubble might be burst by someone else's well meaning advice.
Sunday, I went with Bill to his Mom's house for lunch. Now, Bill's Mom is the wonderful 83 year old woman just bubbling over with energy and life and hope and faith. She will never be my mother-in-law, not because I am not going to marry Bill, I am going to do that for sure, but because she became my Mom by accepting me and my children as if they were indeed her family. She became the "grandma" that my children have been waiting for their whole lives. My children are me. Accept them, I accept you. Having kids is the first time your heart walks outside of your body. I know this to be true, so when they haven't built relationships with their "blood" grandparents for various reasons, not of their choosing, I hurt for them. I ached for them. Grandma Alice has quickly become a household name and a loved woman.
So, back to lunch, we get there, and I knew we were going to be looking at a ring of hers-actually a ring of her Mom's. When Bill's grandma died, over 10 years ago, she left jewelry for Alice. Alice in turn picked out jewelry to share with her son's significant others. Doug and Jim received their pieces of jewelry awhile ago. (I explain the significance of this in a little bit). So, there I was, in Alice's bedroom, programming her new answering machine (it can be confusing for me, let alone an 83 year old woman) and the next thing I know, Bill is on one knee in front of me. Here is where it gets tricky-I think the world literally stopped turning. My ears seemed to start humming and I felt like I was going to burst at the seams. When Bill stopped talking, I nodded yes, or maybe I even said it out loud, I am not even sure. I felt like I needed to take a picture of that moment in my mind to add to the most significant moments in my life. This man, on one knee in front of me, loved me enough to share not only his Grandma's diamond ring with me, but to share his life with me. Heart and soul. As hard as this is to believe, I felt like I had never been asked those words before. I had never been connected to someone like this ever before and I could never imagine a world without this person in front of me. I held back tears up until now. Alice walked back into the room and started to cry as she described how she wanted me to take care of myself because there were four people that needed me more than anything in the world. (floodgates open here).
So, I accepted the ring, but more importantly, I received a part of my heart and soul that I really believed didn't exist.
Back to the ring. So gorgeous. Such a treasure. I wear it with pride and with the knowledge that it signifies a new person. ME. A person who felt lonely and alone at many points. A person who felt (I still deal with this) that they weren't worthy of love. True love. Bill changed all of that and helps me to be myself. The question more than the ring changes that for me. I know from the bottom of my heart that this is it. This is the dream in real life form. One more thing about the ring, Bill's ex-wife never got any of Grandma's jewelry, for whatever reason, the ring was waiting for me. The "right" Bill was finally in my life.
For the record, I did have to ask Bill later what he said to me when he was on one knee (seriously, I had no idea!!!). It was amazing and perfect and just between the two of us. Hope you understand.
Bill and I have been talking about happily ever after for quite some time-actually since the moment we realized that we might be more than just friends. Things clicked. More than clicked. I saw myself wanting to be surrounded by him and the feeling that I get when he looks at me, talks to me or listens to me. I feel like I am at home with him, no matter where we are. I love me with him.
I know in my mind, that love at first sight is not really in existence, or is it? The butterflies only last for a short time. Life overtakes the love and the love fades. That's what every one tells me. This is the one time that I strongly am going to go against the popular belief and hang on tight to what is my reality. Every night when I go to bed, I think to myself that I really can't see myself loving Bill more than I already do. Every morning when I wake up, I think to myself that I can't believe that I love him still more. This is something that I quietly note and secretly treasure. It is something that I don't want to explain to anyone as if I say it "outloud", the bubble might be burst by someone else's well meaning advice.
Sunday, I went with Bill to his Mom's house for lunch. Now, Bill's Mom is the wonderful 83 year old woman just bubbling over with energy and life and hope and faith. She will never be my mother-in-law, not because I am not going to marry Bill, I am going to do that for sure, but because she became my Mom by accepting me and my children as if they were indeed her family. She became the "grandma" that my children have been waiting for their whole lives. My children are me. Accept them, I accept you. Having kids is the first time your heart walks outside of your body. I know this to be true, so when they haven't built relationships with their "blood" grandparents for various reasons, not of their choosing, I hurt for them. I ached for them. Grandma Alice has quickly become a household name and a loved woman.
So, back to lunch, we get there, and I knew we were going to be looking at a ring of hers-actually a ring of her Mom's. When Bill's grandma died, over 10 years ago, she left jewelry for Alice. Alice in turn picked out jewelry to share with her son's significant others. Doug and Jim received their pieces of jewelry awhile ago. (I explain the significance of this in a little bit). So, there I was, in Alice's bedroom, programming her new answering machine (it can be confusing for me, let alone an 83 year old woman) and the next thing I know, Bill is on one knee in front of me. Here is where it gets tricky-I think the world literally stopped turning. My ears seemed to start humming and I felt like I was going to burst at the seams. When Bill stopped talking, I nodded yes, or maybe I even said it out loud, I am not even sure. I felt like I needed to take a picture of that moment in my mind to add to the most significant moments in my life. This man, on one knee in front of me, loved me enough to share not only his Grandma's diamond ring with me, but to share his life with me. Heart and soul. As hard as this is to believe, I felt like I had never been asked those words before. I had never been connected to someone like this ever before and I could never imagine a world without this person in front of me. I held back tears up until now. Alice walked back into the room and started to cry as she described how she wanted me to take care of myself because there were four people that needed me more than anything in the world. (floodgates open here).
So, I accepted the ring, but more importantly, I received a part of my heart and soul that I really believed didn't exist.
Back to the ring. So gorgeous. Such a treasure. I wear it with pride and with the knowledge that it signifies a new person. ME. A person who felt lonely and alone at many points. A person who felt (I still deal with this) that they weren't worthy of love. True love. Bill changed all of that and helps me to be myself. The question more than the ring changes that for me. I know from the bottom of my heart that this is it. This is the dream in real life form. One more thing about the ring, Bill's ex-wife never got any of Grandma's jewelry, for whatever reason, the ring was waiting for me. The "right" Bill was finally in my life.
For the record, I did have to ask Bill later what he said to me when he was on one knee (seriously, I had no idea!!!). It was amazing and perfect and just between the two of us. Hope you understand.
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