Driving out of my Heart

The other day, I was a passenger in a car and I spotted my son driving in his car about a half a block ahead of us. I had a very emotional reaction. I was immediately taken back to when I was holding him in my arms and whispering, “I love you,” to him for the first time. Why the reaction?

When Dylan first went to do his school for driving, I recall feeling like I had to pinch myself. Was this for real? Where did my little boy go? I hoped that Dylan took on driving better than he took on riding a bike. A look into my back seat confirmed what I already knew-there were no more car seats, no more kid’s fingerprints on the windows, no cheerios and fruit snacks strewn across the floor and the seats. Now, my vehicle was a bare canvas. My heart ached.

Dylan got his license and has taken much pride in the car that his Dad passed down to him. He keeps it clean, doesn’t like to have any junk in it and is very careful about where he parks it so as not to get it dinged.

All of a sudden it seemed, it was BJ’s turn to go to school to get his license. I remember thinking, “Could this be possible?” Where did the time go? He passed his exam with flying colors and was handed the keys to his car.

  

I have felt over the past few years that my car called, “Life” has been speeding by at an out-of-control pace and I would like to slow it down. I want to seatbelt my kids in so that they stay near me. I want to check all my blind spots so I don’t miss telling them and teaching them all about life and what they can expect. I want them to arrive at wherever they are meant to be in life, safely and well equipped to handle anything the map of life gives them. I think about the lessons I have taught them about being cautious and yet I still want them to look out the windows and enjoy the ride.

I understand why my heart ached so much when I saw the familiar blue car ahead of us. I was no longer driving. I was no longer in control of how my kids get anywhere and it is a scary thought for me and yet one that fills me with pride. When the feelings rush over me about them driving right out of my heart I need to remember, I have handed them some amazing keys and I have to trust that they will proceed with caution, but know when to enjoy the ride.