A New Scarf

David Geschke April 6, 2013 at 5:52 AM

Great post. You're a very good writer. If you have a passion to write, get out of your own way - write! Passion is God's way of telling us His will. Doubt is the ego's way of keeping us focused on what we DON'T want for ourselves. From there we all have the choice which path to follow. Many people get so caught up in ego based activity they lose track of their passions, never follow their dreams. Be quiet, get in touch with your soul's yearning... from there it's just a matter of believing in yourself.

The above comment was made April 6, 2013 on another blog I had posted. I have been thinking about it ever since.

First of all, I have never had someone I admire so much as a writer themselves, say to me, that I am a very good writer. I have let those words bounce around in my head ever since I read them and I imagine them to be like a whole bucket of ping pong balls dropped from a tall building only to land bouncing and scattering all over on the pavement below. I don’t ever think I will be able to collect those words back up into my bucket and be able to have them all line up in order in my brain in a way with which I would believe them.

Does that mean that I think Dave is a liar? Would he really just throw those words at me and not mean them? Anyone who knows Dave, knows he doesn't say what he doesn't mean.

He speaks of passion in his comment and I know deep down in my heart that I am truly passionate about finding a way to combine my love of photography, my love of writing and my drive to help people into something that would actually make a decent living for me.

Doubt.

Just uttering that word is like putting on that familiar winter scarf that you wrap around your neck to keep the chill out. It is something you don’t think about until it is cold and even then, you don’t think about it when you reach for it to wrap around you. Doubt is like that familiar scarf. I reach for that because it is a familiar feeling to me and is an excuse to not attack what I am most afraid of.

Let me tell you a little more about the scarf. I have had it ever since I can remember and it was given to me by someone very special. Scarf equals doubt in the above two sentences. Doubt-I have had it ever since I can remember and doubt was given to me by someone very special. You want to believe those around you who say that they are there to love you and support you and they mean well when they give you their advice, however, when it comes down to passion and dreams, the only one you should truly be listening to is yourself.

Over the years, the scarf has taken a beating. I have been rough on it. It is weathered and has a few spots that are worn through and truth be told, it isn't doing its job anymore and I am starting to notice it. It is hard to let it go. There are new scarves available, but I am so used to that scarf. It seems a shame to throw it away. 

Over the years, doubt has taken a beating. I have used it to fight many battles. I have been rough on it because it was there and became larger than life. As the years go by, doubt is no longer doing its job. My spirit is becoming stronger than what my doubt can handle and my dreams aren't kept wrapped up in it any more. They keep slipping through the worn holes in my doubt and they are more and more something that I can almost catch a hold of.

Dave was right. He called my bluff. He held open my box full of new scarves and challenged me to reach in and grab them. My fear keeps getting in the way. I am standing in my own way and the more that I think about it, the less I want to be a barrier to myself.

Believe in yourself.

I repeat this constantly hoping that if I keep stitching it into my spirit a new and beautiful scarf will appear. It will be in the pattern of my dreams and my spirit and I will no longer reach for the old one, but will wear this new one with pride because it is fits perfectly.